The Emotional Healing Strategy

Gael Lindenfield


Michael Joseph






Gill Fitzpatrick

This is a very useful book. It takes us through a process of dealing with any setback, disappointment or loss in easy to understand stages. The author has written many other self-help books including Managing Anger, Assert Yourself, The Self esteem Bible etc. This is the first of hers that I have actually read. Her style is parental and that may suit or it may not, she certainly understands grief having lost her 19-year-old daughter very suddenly and tragically. She had already devised this strategy and even though she felt she would never recover from her loss she employed the process outlined in this book and has managed to comes to terms with and transmute her feelings into something that she can now use to help others in similar situations.

There are five essential steps to the process plus a couple of optional bonus ones to conclude. The five steps are:

Exploration – investigating, with or without a friend/counsellor, past hurts and trapped emotions that you may still be carrying around like excess baggage.

Expression – finding a safe way, in conducive surroundings, to fully acknowledge and discharge the emotions connected with the hurt once and for all.

Comfort - allowing yourself to be comforted by another once all feelings are discharged or if no one is available give yourself a treat – a real treat.

Compensation –making up for a deficit the hurt has left you with. The deficiency could be for example in self-confidence or optimism etc. etc.

Perspective – examining the experience of the hurt from the big picture with the aim of gaining perspective and performing closure.

The bonus steps are:

Channelling – using your experience to help others.

Forgiveness – speaks for itself. Not always easy.

I already new the importance of releasing past hurts and therefore the most important skill that I have learned by reading this book and intend to put into practice, is that it is crucially important not to rush through the stages. I realise how very inadequate I have been about letting others be upset, I’ve always tried to jump in and rescue them from their painful feelings and this is not always appropriate. Certainly if a person has been wallowing for far too long it may be wise to give them a nudge but when that person is new to their feelings I now realise how important it is to just be with them without necessarily doing or saying anything.

Gill x

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