I am looking forward to the New Year.  It's going to be a great year for Simply Changing! 

At this time of year, here at Simply Changing, we receive lots of emails from people who want the New Year to be better than the last. They share with me lots of information about 'how' they are and what's going on for them. They are all, without exception looking for Coaching support because they understand that our Simply Changing Coaches have the skills to enable them to achieve their goals, whatever they might be.

In lots of cases the Christmas festivities have brought into sharp focus things they are not completely happy with.  Often these are linked to expectations and relationships.

Let me explain my thoughts - as human beings we have a complex set of needs that, often, we don't fully understand or recognise.  We often simply know that something is not quite right.  At holiday times like Christmas and New Year, we share our time/space/homes with family and friends.  This time of year also provides an opportunity for people to be retrospective and also future focused, so lots of people are looking for skilled and professional Coaches to enable them to make sense of their thoughts and feelings.  

To illustrate this I have permission from one of my Coachees to publish this mini-case study based on last Christmas

My Coachee - I'll call her Helen for confidentiality reasons, invites family into her home because she wants everyone to have a great time, be happy and be cared for, she is a natural 'nurturer'.    At the end of the holiday season she finds herself feeling tired and grumpy.  Here's what Coaching allowed her to discover:

All of Helen's family arrived for Christmas and usually everything is fine for an hour or two.  We explored patterns of how people behave at Christmas in her family and uncovered some interesting things by exploring 'a serious of unfortunate events':

• Her husband retreats and avoids being around the family - finding 'things to do' that take him back to work/into the garage etc
• Her nephew is generally negative and makes comments like the Christmas decorations are completely 'over the top'
• Her brother can't be moved from sitting infront of the TV all christmas. He also drinks much more than Helen thinks is appropriate
• Her mother constantly tells everyone what to do - orchestrating Christmas from her armchair
• Her daughter usually doesn't like one or several of her Christmas presents and makes quite a scene about it  - very predictably!

Helen 'always' prepares a 'wonderful Christmas'.  She works full time and it takes so much effort, planning, time and money to make everything perfect.  She wants this to be a time of laughter and sharing and fun. 

Through our Coaching sessions Helen realised lots of things, including:

• What she 'valued' i.e. what was important to her was not important to others - this was a massive realisation for her
• That everyone there at Christmas time had things going on for them that they had not resolved and that led to their unhelpful behaviours

These two main realisations amongst others, have enabled her to manage 'family holidays' much better.  Instead of 'doing Christmas' for everyone this year she asked people what they wanted to do.  Hey presto:

• her brother wanted to stay in his own home and have a simple fuss free Christmas
• her husband wanted time to walk and read and time and space to sort out his thoughts in his precious holiday time
• her daughter wanted to choose her own present - it was not important for her to be 'surprised' on Christmas Day
• and her mother, well she was happy being who she was the 'saviour' of the family, 'font of all knowledge' and when Helen adjusted her expectations of her Mother's behaviour, she realised that she could see the funny side of things!!

The emails I receive at this time of year reflect how Christmas and New Year illuminate things that they are not happy with.  So, for all of you out there who understand Helen's predicatment perhaps reflect on what's important to you and to those around you.  Is it the same or different?  When people are being unhelpful or even challenging, what's going on for them?

Understanding this will give you so much insight that you will be able to make decisions that make life a lot happier for everyone.

Let's make 2013 a year when we recognise what's going on for ourselves and for others too.

Happy New Year!!

Louise xx

louise@simplychanging.co.uk

0333 800 7777