As Coaches, people regularly contact us about overcoming their anger, which can manifest as many things including niggles, frustrations and irritations.  They realise that this negative emotion gets in the way of living their life well and they understand that Coaching and NLP is brilliant for initially controlling, then managing and finally overcoming anger.

This blog illuminates a simple process for managing anger and I’ve used something that happened to me, to illustrate how my anger button can be pushed and what I do about it.

Please be warned, it’s about animal cruelty which does make me really angry. 

Here goes:

It’s a beautiful sunny morning and I’m enjoying planning the year ahead.  I love starting the day reminding myself of my goals and the prospect of what I can achieve, therefore, I’m smiling from ear to ear.  Then I receive an apologetic ‘post’ on my Facebook page.  It’s from one of my friends and she tells me:   “I am so sorry I have forwarded something this horrific on to you, but only by making people aware will we ever change the way people behave. Please forgive me, the video is unbelievable.”  Her note is attached to a petition to end the cruel practice of tying up live dogs, caging them and killing and eating them for food.

I know myself very well and I know that I can get so very angry about animal cruelty that I it takes me on a tortuous journey, a downward spiral of inner anger at how people can be so cruel and an outward shift of perspective as I become overwhelmed by how horrific people can really be.

So, here I am faced with a dilemma.  I either, watch the video and get so angry I want to fly to these countries and hurt these people or I ignore the Facebook request.  My immediate choices are limited because I am not thinking straight.  Already, my mind is responding in a typical ‘Fight or Flight’ response.   I am anticipating my anger and my brain is narrowing my options so that I can respond ‘automatically’.  Therefore my mind is limiting my thinking.

Taking a deep breath (which gives me a moment to expand my options), I click on the petition link hoping that this doesn’t trigger the start of the video.  I scroll down and read the comments that people have made on the video and see that they are predictably and understandably angry.  Lots of threatening to kill people and a generalised hate of the perpetrators.

I thought about this for a few minutes and then thought about the choices that I make in life already.  Here’s what I do:

1. I take care of my own animals – I have quite a menagerie, I have 3 dogs, a cat and 2 horses.  All are well cared for both physically and psychologically.   I understand their personalities and their needs and make sure I meet them as much as I can (more about this, in future blogs).  There's a picture of one of lovely girls just below!
2. I support animal and human charities and donate to the people that are ‘out there’ making a difference.  I can’t fly to Korea, but I can support the charities that are already in Korea
3. I am vegetarian and therefore don’t eat meat as I don’t wish to support the ignorance in breeding, rearing, transporting and slaughtering conscious and sentient beings

I know that cruelty exists and I know that as I type this, some animal and some person somewhere in the world will be on the receiving end of cruelty.  I manage this in a way that works for me e.g. whenever I’m reminded of inequality or cruelty.

As Coaches we practice Unconditional Positive Regard which means that we separate out the behaviour of the person from who they are, or who they have the potential to be.  It is a thought process that is similar to the work of Bishop Desmond Tutu who led the Post Apartheid Truth and Reconciliation Process in South Africa.  He also wrote a really interesting book called ‘No Future Without Forgiveness’.  The work we are doing in Rwanda with Bishop Samuel Kayinamura is also about Healing and Reconcilation.  We are documenting 'how' people forgive the perpitrators of the genocide.  More on this in later blogs where I can share more amazing stories from the courageous people we meet in Rwanda.

The way I practice this is by taking a moment to send out a positive thoughts (you might recognise this as meditation or visualisation or simply day dreaming) to the perpetrator and the victim. I think of them being calm, free of pain and free of fear.   

So, I’ve shared with you a personal experience that makes me angry, in doing so I’ve aimed to be clear about how I manage my own personal responses.

If you have found this useful, then perhaps you can follow a similar process.  Here it is in summary form:

Managing Anger

1. Know what makes you angry
2. Do what you can to minimise the anger for yourself – e.g. I didn’t watch the video.  What will you do?
3. Change your state - I brought compassionate thoughts to the fore – knowing as I do that people can change if they are supported to change.  Anger leads to anger, understanding leads to understanding
4. Take positive action – e.g. enable someone who is actively doing something to combat the issue and give them a little money, help, support or positive feedback

 
Let me know how you get on!!

Just in case you want to sign the petition, here’s the link – please do be warned though, the video is extremely upsetting http://bit.ly/10YO2nU

Louise xx

louise@simplychanging.co.uk

0333 800 7777

www.simplychanging.co.uk